he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
