i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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