Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
