i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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