I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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