2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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