just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
