Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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