mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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