When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
