you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think my moral compass just broke
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