whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
