Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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