why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
