Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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