Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
