I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
