ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
