if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
