I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
