Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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