I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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