that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
