why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
