Me too!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
