just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
