dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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