I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
