I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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