when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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