I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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