I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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