Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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