We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
