i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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