Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
