I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm too high and old for this...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
