I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
