I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
