I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
