Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
