yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
