i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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