it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
