she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
