I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
