I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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