By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
