Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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