elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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