his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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