dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need moral support for this bender
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
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